Groan.

Lordy, Lordy....celebrities dropping like flies this week. Cah-razy! But I have something to share.

My child is insane. Certifiably nuts. Do you know what he did today during his quiet time? DO YOU? Let me just tell you a little story. It is, of course, about poop. What else would we talk about on my blog?

Piglet went upstairs for quiet time. Since being on summer break and going to the pool and such more often, Piglet has resumed nap-taking 2-4 times per week. Anyhoo...he was upstairs for a while playing quietly. I glanced at the monitor and noticed him missing. Looking into his room, I found him atop his (4 foot tall) bookcase crawling across on his knees. I took the garage which had been his stepstool.

Soon, I looked at the monitor and saw him standing upon two large pillow shams on top of his bed. Why? I asked. "I'm trying to reach the fan." Of course! Silly me. I removed the pillows.

About 30 minutes later, I went up to bring him downstairs and a stench hit my nose as I entered their hallway. It was clearly poop. I groaned inwardly, dreading the diaper change ahead. You can imagine my surprise when I entered the room to find my naked little boy, hands and feet covered in poop, as were the walls, carpet, bedspread, froggy, blanket, doorknob and phone jack. As in, poop in the phone jack. Piglet looked at me and said quite seriously, "Mommy, I think you're going to need a paper towel."

Ya think?

Again?

Oh, Lordy. Wondering where I've been? Me too. Let's see....I was sick. Oh, and then I was sick again. Oh! And now I'm sick again. Seriously. First Pigpen gave me that weird muscle illness with fever. Then I promptly got Piglet's cold. And now I have my dad's cold which has turned into a sinus infection and pneumonia. Ow, ow, ow. That's twice this year I've gotten pneumonia. Enough about me.

Just kidding! More about me. We went to NC over the weekend. This involves driving 6 hours in the car with my two lovely children. Loooooooooooong hours. I gave my friend Beth a baby shower on Saturday and we did a family birthday party for Pigpen on Sunday.

Pigpen is one today! Can you believe it? One year ago, I was lying in a hospital bed gleeful that I had a spinal block still swirling around in me deadening the pain of my kidney stones. It was fantastic. Today, he's a happy, sparky little boy. Well, he would be happy and sparky if Piglet hadn't given him a nasty cold and pink eye. Instead, he's droopy and sad and has gooey eyes. It was a pretty sad birthday.

But, he's coming along nicely. His first (and only) word is "all done" which sounds a little like "Ah dah!" He says it very enthusiastically upon finishing a meal or nursing. His only other word is more, which he will sign. He says da da, but I don't think it has any meaning yet. He's crawling superduper fast, pulls up, and stands, but hasn't commenced cruising thus far.

In other news, and further explanation of my absence, while I went to the pool last Tuesday Gus got into my diaper bag and ate a sleeve of formula, a box of crayons, my Chapstick, and a small box of raisins. If you don't know, raisins and grapes are poisonous to dogs and landed Gus in the doggie hospital. He had to throw up everything he ate and eat charcoal. We went to NC as I mentioned and Gussie became lethargic and forlorn. He had hurt himself treeing a cat, so we blamed it on that, but when we got home and took the vet his urine sample, they said his kidneys weren't functioning and his pee was almost all water. So poor Gussie spent 48 hours on a fluid IV pushing fluids through his kidneys, trying to reverse the damage that was done by the toxins. He was released today - and so deliriously happy! - and is at home recuperating. We still don't know the extent of the damage, but we are hopeful that he will be okay.

So. You can see where I've been. I've still got two more tales to share, but I'm just too sick and tired to write more tonight. Here's to hoping I don't get pink eye from my crew.

Rambly Bambly

Snort. Cough. Wheeze. The good news is that I got over the mystery illness that Pigpen gave me. The bad news is that I now have the cold that Piglet gave me. Which brings me to my heads up: I'm writing this after a dose of Nyquil while watching the Hills. I can almost count my brain cells ticking away one by one.

I'm super-duper-squeeeeeeeeeee!-excited about the possibility of getting a screened porch. The mosquitoes 'round these parts are about to pick Piglet and me up and carry us away. The poor kids gets mosquito bites like I do - they swell into massive welts and stay that way for days. He was awake last night from 11pm until 2am scritching scratching wiggling and miserable. I hope that tonight will be better as he only slept in about half an hour and he didn't nap. Shocking! I know.

In case anyone was wanting follow up on the nap experiment, it ended before it started. Clearly, he's done, done, done napping. He hasn't taken a nap in about three weeks. The upside is that he's conking out promptly at bedtime.

Let's get back to that imaginary screened porch. We've talked to four contractors. One...the Neanderthal that installed my oven and microwave. He never actually returned an estimate. I have this fear that he might just show up one day with a truck full of lumber and assume he got the job.

*Pause - I'm so distracted by The Hills. Lo's ears really stick out. She should wear her hair down. And Kristen should probably wear a bra with that dress. That is all.*

Okay, back to the porch. So then there's the guy who did our basement last summer. He did a really good job, but you kind of have to ride him to get him to work and communicate and I don't know that I want this to drag on until fall, when I clearly want it yesterday. Then there's Artie, a referral from a friend here, he did her basement. He's a classic New Yorker to the core, which in terms of speed and efficiency could work in my favor. He has a touch of potty mouth that we will have to curb around the young uns, but we can do that. And the fourth guy was just crazy expensive, so he's out. AND he was way late with his proposal. He told us to take $150 off for his being a bonehead. Wow. Really? A whole $150 off of your insanely high proposal? Pass.

This is probaby painfully boring for you the reader, so I will stop. My parents are coming tomorrow for my dad's monthly meeting in the area that he just so happened to drum up after we moved here. Coincidence? Not really. Anyhoo....they're coming tomorrow and I'm driving back with them on Wednesday with the boys. Why? Because I'm giving a baby shower for my best friend from high school on Saturday and we're having our family over for Pigpen's first birthday on Sunday.

Can you believe he's turning one?? I took him yesterday to get his first haircut. Not that he has any hair. If it wasn't for the mullet, it probably could have waited a year or so. But, we trimmed that mullet right off and put it in the baby book. Check. Now there's less of him to get dirty.

That's all I got. I wanted to squeeze in a post because I'm not sure when I'll get to post next. Tomorrow night I'm invited to a Wine and Wax party. Really? Waxing? In public? I'm going for the wine and maybe to spectate. Alright, I'm pretty sure the Nyquil is starting to take over my thinking, so it's best that I go. There's a chance it may have given me some verbal diarrhea as this seems to be a rather lengthy post. Ah, well. Talk soon!

Must See TV

I'm sitting here watching I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. Don't judge me. This is further evidence that I have no brain cells left. I think it should be called D-list Celebrity Survivor, but not really Survivor. See? No brain cells.

Not quite sure why I'm blogging because I can't even remember what I did today. That's probably not a good sign. The weird muscle aches are getting better, so I must be in recovery. I took both boys to the pool by myself two days in a row.....this is one of the most tiring of all activities. Reminds me of why I don't need a gym.

Steps:
1. Take clothes off of boys. Leave diapers on.
2. SPF 50 all over both. Spray Pigpen's half-bald head.
3. Run to strip off own clothes, change into pool wear.
4. Stuff towels, food, drinks, spare diapers, and bonus SPF into bag.
5. Get Piglet's vest, Pigpen's float, and random pool noodle.
6. Trade diapers for swim diapers (if you don't have kids this is a last minute item because they do not absorb urine.) and put on trunks.
7. Race for car, speed to pool, remove children before anyone can pee on a car seat.

And that's just the getting there. I'm too tired to go into what it takes to keep everyone from drowning and then to get everyone back in the car and home again. And into regular diapers and clothes. And then fix dinner.

Whew. I'm beat just thinking about it. I'd better run....looks like one of the Baldwin brothers is about to baptize Spencer Pratt. This is must see TV, people.

If you read this, you'll learn something new.

Hello, friends.

It seems that I contracted Pigpen's illness. I had suspected by his lack of crawling, lack of self-feeding, and crying each time I picked him up or moved him that he had some muscle soreness. Now I am sure that he had a whole mess of muscle soreness.

This is the strangest virus I have ever had. Sore throat, every muscle in my body hurting, but no fever. It hurts to touch my arms. My legs kill me to go up and down stairs. My abs hurt. My tongue hurts! Most bizarre thing I've ever had. As long as I take 4 Advil every 4 hours I can function in a fairly normal manner.

In other news.....um. Hmmm. I can't think of any other news. Piglet and his daddy got to go to the pool twice this weekend, wearing both of them out properly. I volunteered myself to join the clubhouse committee for my neighborhood, thinking it would be a good way to meet people. Turns out part of the job is to help clean the bathrooms by the pool. EWWWWWWWWWWW. There are other duties that I will like, but pool potty clean up? Ugh. The things I do to meet people.

Tomorrow I get to go to the fire station. Yippee! Boys are such interesting creatures, aren't they? I'm going to be bored to tears at the fire station just to keep Piglet entertained. I'm skipping my morning shower just for that. But? I get to go out for sushi tomorrow night. Woo hoo! I've been craving some of the rolls from this place since the last time we went. And I have a $25 off $50 coupon, so how can I go wrong??

Also, I've gotten hooked on Cosby Show reruns on TV Land. It was prompted by the presence of the cast on the Today Show a couple weeks ago. Now I'm sucked happily back into the 80s and enjoying what a great show that was.

I know this has been riveting, but unless you want me to describe the diaper rash that can result from eating two bowls of Frosted Mini Wheats, it's best that I sign off for now. (Factoid: did you know that one mini wheat is called a biscuit?)

Girls!

Howdy doody.

Pigpen is feeling better, his fever down at last, though he is still Mr. Snarksalot as his tooth is finishing up coming in. Piglet has had three days of school/camp this week, which has at least given me mornings with Pigpen.

We went to the library today. I know my life is glamourous. Our books were due and Piglet was SUPER EXCITED to put them in the book drop one at at time. (all 13.) We went in search of new books. At the end of his quiet time (In other updates, the nap is done and over. He's taken one in the last week and a half, but he's done really well going to bed around 8) I asked him if he wanted story books or learning books. The little smartie said learning books. I asked what he'd like to learn about and he promptly said, "The ABCDEFG's." Well, of course. What else would you like to learn about, I asked? "Girls!" he said.

Girls. He's two and a half and already completely mystified. Maybe I can find a book for him to read with daddy so they can learn together. We were unable to find a book about girls, but he did latch onto a copy of "Shades of Black", a book describing in detail the different pigments that exist within the black community and how they are each special. It's a board book and he's digging it. Who knew?

That's about all I'm good for today. The pool is open and I'm dying to go, but I have yet to figure out how to safely take a 2.5 year old rebel and an 11 month old scaredy cat, both complete non-swimmers, to the pool and come back with all of us. Any suggestions about gear or techniques would be much appreciated. There is a baby pool, but Piglet's been known to run for the big waters. And there's a water slide that's going to cause some major temptation.

Martes

Argh. I'd like to take a moment to point out that it's Tuesday. Everyone pause for a moment to recognize Tuesday in all of its ugly ways. Somehow the Tuesday after a holiday on Monday seems even more offensive. How do I know it's Tuesday? Well, let's see....

Pigpen developed an Instant Fever at presisely 5:36pm yesterday and has been a wreck ever since. His fever was 103.3 during the night while he had Motrin in him. Of course it was a holiday and everything was closed, so I called to get an appointment first thing this morning and their first one was at 11:45. ELEVEN FORTY FIVE? Are you kidding me? How is that possible when I called before they were even open? Sigh. So here we are....waiting.

Today was Piglet's first day of his school's summer camp program. I took him in and he's in the same classroom, but has a different teacher who seemed surprised to find herself alone with a bunch of two year olds. Piglet burst into tears at the chaos and made my day even rosier. I left my friend with him to make sure he quieted and took off. She reported that he settled when I left, as is always the case with kids. I think it weirded him out that I was hanging around making sure the teacher had her wits about her and it made him nervous. I'm hoping an assistant rolled in to help her after I left.

So, here I sit with Pigpen stuffing Cheerios into his mouth wondering when he will nap after his weird night last night, and if I will get to take a shower. Ah, to bathe....such a luxury. Fingers crossed for no calls from the school.

That's really all the news I have to report except that CVS actually had to give me a gift card for $9 yesterday instead of me paying anything when I departed with two bags of goods. That was pretty fun.